Sleepless

Here it is, 4:00 am, and I've spent most of the night tossing and turning. Blah. There are two main reasons for this.

The first is that I've got a huge crush on a great guy I met recently, but there is a significant age difference between us, there is also significant physical distance between us, I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend, and to be honest I'm not sure how appropriate it is to keep in touch with him on a personal basis considering the circumstances of how we met. So, all in all this is a dead end crush, and I'm usually over dead end crushes in about a week, sometimes less. But in the meantime, I cannot sleep, because this has stirred up my "I want a boyfriend" feelings yet again. Not to mention the frustrations about these rare occasions when I meet a great guy that it seems I could click really well with, there always seems to be circumstances beyond my control that prevent anything from happening. Most common are he already has a girlfriend/fiance/wife, or he's just not that into me. All I can do for now is ask the Universe to bring me someone like this guy I recently met, and for my request to be granted with grace and ease.

The other reason I'm having difficulty sleeping is because I was getting ready to sign up with Central Casting, I haven't been getting a lot of work with Hollywood OS, they mostly have specialiazed background casting, such as the featured characters in music videos and TV shows. They also have a lot of background calls for Grey's Anatomy (I'm a dork and haven't spent $20 on scrubs) and for Boston Legal (I don't have an upscale business suit.) Anyhow, Bob Fraser convinced me in a recent e-mail that I should sign up with Central Casting again. BUT...I got an e-mail last night from Brian, director of the STC Conservatory, saying they needed an additional person in the tech booth for their current production, and could I help? Conservatory members are required to help with the tech side of at least one production during the season. I gladly agreed to help out. But after I went to bed, I realized that this commitment will tie up my weeknight and weekend evenings. Which means no extra work until June. And probably no submitting myself for auditions until June, either, it's the same commitment as if I were performing. Well, crap. Although, this is tech week already, the play opens next week, so it will only require Fri, Sat, and Sun evenings. Leaving Mon-Thurs for background work.

I hate being tired, I can't think straight. Lost a lot of sleep (partially) for something that's not a problem after all. Grrr...