I wish I hadn't taken down all of my posts... It doesn't save the date of the original post when it's reverted back to draft. *sigh* I am re-publishing some of it as samples of my writing for a few volunteer opportunities through VolunteerMatch.com.
Serendipity
Life, the Universe, and everything is being so good to me right now! Thank you! La la la!
I got a call today from The Acting Corps. The class I had enrolled in, which started May 29th, got cancelled because the instructor got booked on a job and would be unavailable to teach. So the school offered me one of two other sessions, starting either May 15th or June 15th. I had wanted to enroll in the May 15th session to begin with, but opted for the May 29th session, because by registering a month in advance, I saved $100 off tuition. So now I get to be in the May 15th session anyways! WOOO-HOOOO!!
AND...there is a small hopeful light in the romance department, but not the same guy I had a crush on before. This one is not automatically a dead end, there appears to be a realistic possibility here, maybe just friends, maybe more, I'll have to wait and see. And that's all I'm going to say, I only brought it up because I made such a fuss a few weeks ago.
And I've got several good notes from the people I've worked with/am working with on my new Testimonials page. Check it out!
Day 17 -- Meisner Technique
My brain was so fried. In the Daily Acting Workout, we spent nearly the whole hour playing games that require focus and concentration, and I was unable to keep up. I was always getting out, or getting stuck in the center of the circle, and as soon as I got myself out of the center, the person would turn around and get me out again before I'd even had a chance to catch my breath, much less realize that I'd gotten out again. But when we finally got around to repetition, I felt alive and connected, which actually took a large effort of energy on my part to pull off.
In the Meisner Technique class, we had been asked to bring our own activities to class with a simple, specific, urgent reason for doing the activity. So I decided to bring knitting, my reason was that my sister was leaving and I wanted to make something nice for her.
A. asked if she could work with me, and I agreed because I knew she would challenge me. She has a very strong personality and does not back down. So when it was our turn, I went onstage with my knitting, A. went out the door. (The other person has to knock, and we have to decide if it is worth interrupting our urgent activity to let them in and deal with them.) As soon as I sat down with my knitting, I felt very afraid, and my hands were shaking. But I tried to ignore the fear and focus on the activity. Then A. started knocking, and she sounded playful, so I let her in almost right away. And she proceeded to beat me up emotionally, like a cat playing with a mouse. And I sat there like a doormat and let her. I had no clue what I was doing on stage or what she was doing to me, and I was extremely stressed out and frustrated, but I could not fight back, even when she took the knitting needles away from me. I tried to make light of the situation, laugh off her beating me up, make friends so she would stop, I had no clue what I was doing or how to deal with it all. And Mark was inadvertently adding stress as well, he kept asking me, "What are you not dealing with?" and I felt like yelling at him, "If I knew, I would fucking call it!" I just kept going back to the knitting.
When Mark stopped the exercise, he started talking with me about what had happened. I didn't have a clue, but I felt obligated to try and provide some sort of answers to his questions, and so I stumbled through that process as well, "Maybe this is what happened?" And he told me that I had allowed A. to bully me, that I had done nothing to fight back, that I had allowed myself to be a victim, I had allowed myself to deflate and A. to distract me from the urgency of my activity. Mark said that this has been a chronic thing for me, that I developed the habit because it served me in some way, and that I needed to move past it, and find the confidence to stand up for myself, to fight for what I want.
I felt like shit. I felt like shit because A. had beat me up. I felt like shit because I hadn't been able to stand up for myself. I felt like shit because I'd had no clue in the moment about what was going on or how to deal with it. I felt like shit because I have done so much work on myself over the last 10 years to improve my self-confidence and my self-esteem, and I've made huge progress, and in that time on stage with A. it all disappeared. I let her beat me up. I allowed myself to be a victim again, in a huge way. I felt like shit.
When I went back to my seat, I started journaling about the experience. And I discovered a major factor in what had happened, and A. had nothing to do with it. Even before she knocked at the door and I let her in, I had stepped on to stage feeling incredibly insecure in my activity. I didn't know if it was a good enough activity, and even more importantly, I felt almost ashamed of my activity. I remember thinking as I started, "Okay, I feel like a dork, here I am knitting in front of everybody, what are they going to think of me?" But then I tried to ignore that, tried to pretend that I was okay, to deny that I was feeling so scared and insecure. So then I realized that because I had started the exercise feeling insecure, when A. started beating me up, I didn't have any solid ground to stand on, and in that moment of panic, I reverted back to all my old habits. I still felt like shit, but at least now I understood what had happened.
After class, L. and I were going to rehearse together, and she allowed me time to purge and cry softly over what had happened. I was surprised that I only needed to cry a little bit, considering how hurt I felt inside. Then for rehearsal we improvised a conversation between our characters, like Michelle had suggested to me, and I am so glad we did because we both discovered so much about our characters, our relationship, and the really neat thing is about half the discoveries I made about my character came from stuff L. said to me in character during the improvisation. Very very cool.
In the Meisner Technique class, we had been asked to bring our own activities to class with a simple, specific, urgent reason for doing the activity. So I decided to bring knitting, my reason was that my sister was leaving and I wanted to make something nice for her.
A. asked if she could work with me, and I agreed because I knew she would challenge me. She has a very strong personality and does not back down. So when it was our turn, I went onstage with my knitting, A. went out the door. (The other person has to knock, and we have to decide if it is worth interrupting our urgent activity to let them in and deal with them.) As soon as I sat down with my knitting, I felt very afraid, and my hands were shaking. But I tried to ignore the fear and focus on the activity. Then A. started knocking, and she sounded playful, so I let her in almost right away. And she proceeded to beat me up emotionally, like a cat playing with a mouse. And I sat there like a doormat and let her. I had no clue what I was doing on stage or what she was doing to me, and I was extremely stressed out and frustrated, but I could not fight back, even when she took the knitting needles away from me. I tried to make light of the situation, laugh off her beating me up, make friends so she would stop, I had no clue what I was doing or how to deal with it all. And Mark was inadvertently adding stress as well, he kept asking me, "What are you not dealing with?" and I felt like yelling at him, "If I knew, I would fucking call it!" I just kept going back to the knitting.
When Mark stopped the exercise, he started talking with me about what had happened. I didn't have a clue, but I felt obligated to try and provide some sort of answers to his questions, and so I stumbled through that process as well, "Maybe this is what happened?" And he told me that I had allowed A. to bully me, that I had done nothing to fight back, that I had allowed myself to be a victim, I had allowed myself to deflate and A. to distract me from the urgency of my activity. Mark said that this has been a chronic thing for me, that I developed the habit because it served me in some way, and that I needed to move past it, and find the confidence to stand up for myself, to fight for what I want.
I felt like shit. I felt like shit because A. had beat me up. I felt like shit because I hadn't been able to stand up for myself. I felt like shit because I'd had no clue in the moment about what was going on or how to deal with it. I felt like shit because I have done so much work on myself over the last 10 years to improve my self-confidence and my self-esteem, and I've made huge progress, and in that time on stage with A. it all disappeared. I let her beat me up. I allowed myself to be a victim again, in a huge way. I felt like shit.
When I went back to my seat, I started journaling about the experience. And I discovered a major factor in what had happened, and A. had nothing to do with it. Even before she knocked at the door and I let her in, I had stepped on to stage feeling incredibly insecure in my activity. I didn't know if it was a good enough activity, and even more importantly, I felt almost ashamed of my activity. I remember thinking as I started, "Okay, I feel like a dork, here I am knitting in front of everybody, what are they going to think of me?" But then I tried to ignore that, tried to pretend that I was okay, to deny that I was feeling so scared and insecure. So then I realized that because I had started the exercise feeling insecure, when A. started beating me up, I didn't have any solid ground to stand on, and in that moment of panic, I reverted back to all my old habits. I still felt like shit, but at least now I understood what had happened.
After class, L. and I were going to rehearse together, and she allowed me time to purge and cry softly over what had happened. I was surprised that I only needed to cry a little bit, considering how hurt I felt inside. Then for rehearsal we improvised a conversation between our characters, like Michelle had suggested to me, and I am so glad we did because we both discovered so much about our characters, our relationship, and the really neat thing is about half the discoveries I made about my character came from stuff L. said to me in character during the improvisation. Very very cool.
Day 16 -- Scene Study
To be honest I don't remember much about this day, except that I nearly fell asleep in class, I was so tired. My eyes just would not stay open, and all of a sudden I heard myself starting to snore, so I forced my eyes to stay open after that.
L. and I performed our scene in pretty much the same way as we had the week before, and Michelle tweaked our actions a bit, and asked us to bring in the circumstances of the play this time, and to deepen our character relationship.
I had my one-on-one meeting with Michelle, and she said that she didn't see any problems with me moving on to Boot Camp II, but she'd have to discuss the decision with my Meisner teacher and they would come to a decision together. (Apparently they decide who gets invited, I was mistaken in believing it was based on our scenes being filmed.) I mentioned that I had been having a hard time getting my head wrapped around choosing an action, and I wished we had spent more time on how to choose a good action. I also mentioned that I was frustrated with the rehearsal process, because in both my scene with D. and with L., we were uncertain how to explore and find new ways to perform the scene, because the stuff she gave us in class was so good, we couldn't see any way to improve it. So Michelle suggested that L. and I improvise a conversation between our characters. She also said that while my energy was clear and connected, that she would love to see me be less contained with it, and with my physicalities. When she said that, I realized that I had been holding myself back in Kennedy's movement class, I was letting fear get in the way of exploring the physical expression of emotion, action, etc.
Days 14 & 15: Scene Study and Meisner
Holy cow, I've gotten so behind on my journaling, I've been so brain dead by the time I get home from class, and I feel like I didn't really get a weekend this week...
Anyhow. Let's see if I can remember this.
Thursday, Day 14, Scene Study
L. and I had started out reading our scene together after class on Tuesday. When we read through it, I read my part very calmly, almost unemotionally, and L's reaction to that was very strong. (But I also think she may still have been worked up over her umbrella repetition.) It really bothered me that we seemed connected, but I wasn't feeling anything. I thought I should be getting some sort of emotional reaction from being connected to her. So I started pushing myself to connect, to find some sort of reaction to her within myself.
When we got around to performing the scene in class on Thursday, it had gotten very forced and overly emotional, a lot of screaming at each other. Michelle said that my character has the power in the scene, that I shouldn't feel I need to defend myself against her attacks, and she gave me the action of "holding a child at arm's length." When we performed the scene again, it came out the way we had done it when we first started reading the scene: My character very quiet and unemotional, L's character reacting to that. And the scene was much more honest, powerful and touching that way.
On Thursday after class, L. and I started doing straight repetition exercises together rather than running the scene, we weren't sure what else there was to find in the scene or how to explore it further. As we repeated, L. said she could see I was sitting on a bunch of stuff that wasn't being expressed. She's taken some sort of actor's instrument class with a private instructor where they focused on clearing emotional blocks, purging exercises, so she guided me through some of those. It consisted of saying everything that made us angry, that hurt us, that we hated, without censoring anything, also yelling at our parents for their mistakes in bringing us up, for creating the problems we have now as adults. (Even as I was yelling at them, I know that it wasn't their fault, they did the best they could, they didn't intend to hurt me.)
Anyhow, I really allowed myself to scream and cry during this, and I felt more open afterwards, even though I could still feel a lot of stuff stirring in my heart chakra and my solar plexus (upper belly between ribs & belly button). There always seems to be a turning point for me in any acting class that I have taken, usually during an improv game, where I step into the game and find a reason to scream my lungs out. And after that, every single time the teachers have commented that I have changed. And I think for this class, that catharsis was the purging exercises with L. We also repeated where we actually started calling each other on being nice or smiling when we were frustrated or not happy.
So Friday morning (Day 15), when I got to the Daily Acting Workout, I was very confused about the repetition exercises. I had it in my head that other people weren't calling me on being nice, or smiling when I wasn't happy, that they were letting me off the hook. I felt extremely akward and insecure during the DAW repetitions, and I decided that I was being fake again when I did laugh or play along with someone else, and I also felt obligated to create reactions within myself, because so many times I don't feel any kind of a reaction when repeating with someone other than frustration that I didn't know how to express. Very confused.
After the DAW, I saw Mark in the hallway and absolutely tackled him with my panic: "I'm getting so lost in the Meisner exercises!" (Sorry!) He asked me if I was journalling, and reminded me that the work is always about going back to the other person, it's not about what I'm feeling. I asked him about other people calling me on being nice, and he said that there was a fine line between making a demand from them to look closer, and telling them "You're letting me off the hook.", which makes me a victim, it's not their responsibility to make sure I'm being honest. He asked what had changed for me since the last class, so I told him about the purging exercises I had done with L., and suddenly it seemed like they hadn't been such a good idea after all because I was feeling so out of balance.
So I sat out in the hallway before the Meisner Technique class started, and I did a small amount of journalling, in an attempt to bring my focus back where it needed to be, then I meditated as best I could with people walking by and talking in the hallway, and tried to remind myself just to breath, deep belly breaths. The meditating helped, it brought the thought that Mark and I had just discussed that it's not about me or what I'm feeling, it's about focusing on the other person, it brought that thought into my center where it needed to be, not just floating abstractly in my mind.
Then once class started, it turned out many of the students had questions similar to mine, it seemed we were all getting lost. I was relieved that it wasn't just me having difficulties. Then Mark said something about giving yourself permission, and that it was important to write it down because the action of writing it down seems to give the statement more power. So I grabbed my journal and started writing down permission for myself to connect with other people, to feel safe in the space, to allow other people to see me, to fully express myself, an entire page of giving myself permission to do what I needed to do in order to be more successful and comfortable in the repetition exercises. And I think that really helped a lot as well, and everything came together when it was my turn for the repetition exercise.
This time I had the umbrella, and I connected with the urgency of balancing that, I connected with my partner, I was much more aware of myself, if I caught myself smiling when I was frustrated I dropped the umbrella, squeezed my lips together from the sides in an attempt to get rid of the smile, and yelled, "I'm frustrated, and I'm smiling and I fucking hate it!!!!!" Talk about letting out my inner sailor! But Mark had also encouraged me at the beginning of the exercise not to hold my frustrations back. So, I do swear a lot when I'm frustrated. And then during the repetition, my partner would say something, and I would loose the umbrella and say "Shit!" and then repeat, and then she would repeat back with the "Shit!", which always made me laugh because I thought it was hilarious that she would add that in as if it were part of my response to her statement. And looking back on it, I didn't tell her that during the exercise. There were also a couple of moments where she said something such as "You're mocking me!" when I was simply frustrated at myself for smiling again, but rather than telling her I was not mocking her, I laughed and said sarcastically, "Oh, yes, I'm mocking you."
My partner really called me on a lot of my smiling and niceness as well, really brought it to my attention, told me I was hard to read when I do that. I thanked her for not letting me off the hook. And looking back, I was very self-centered during the exercise even though I was connected to her, she commented after we stopped that that was the most connected to me she'd felt in all the times we'd repeated together. But I was spending just as much time being aware of myself and getting frustrated at my smiling, as I was checking in with her, calling her behavior.
Mark said that my becoming aware of my smiling and being nice was progress, and now I just have to take responsibility and not let myself off the hook, don't rely on others to catch me.
Day 13: Actor's Instrument
Today in the Daily Acting Workout, again the instructor challenged me. (Different instructor than yesterday. And I think it's really cool that the instructors are starting to challenge us in the DAW and not just letting us run with it for better or for worse.)
Anyhow, today's instructor teaches every Wednesday, and he's been nudging me every week to not be nice. He'll say to me, "Tell him he's an f-ing bastard!" So today he called me on covering up some stuff that was said to me that really did bother me, but I covered it up with being glib and laughing it off. And then when I was confronted with one girl who was a cocky, condesending bitch, I actually called her a bitch on my own, didn't need any prompting there. (Although in all honesty I didn't call her on her condesending behavior at first, the instructor had to really push the realization into my awareness: "Look at how she's talking to you! She's treating you like you're nothing, like you're trash!") I said, "You're treating me like fluff!" She said, "You stand like you're fluff!" So then I called her a bitch. The instructor said to her, "What does it feel like that she called you that?" She just looked at me. Then the instructor coached her, "That is a real person across from you, not just an object. Take a look at the real person." So she took in a deep breath, and really saw me. "You're afraid I'm going to say something mean to you." I agreed.
So, on to the Actor's Instrument class. I really enjoy this class, it's so cool to explore the connection between body, voice, and acting. Today, we learned how intention and gesture is connected to body & voice, as well as exploring how leading with different parts of our bodies while walking changed our perception of ourselves. For example, when I led with my head, I found myself very worried, almost pissed off. But when I led with my knees, I felt like Goofy. Then when I led with my stomach, I felt like a fat lazy slob who didn't give a crap about anything. This probably makes no sense to non-actors, and I can't really explain everything we learned.
After class, J. and I finally had a long talk about what happened between us on stage last Thursday. After he had called me on Saturday night, when I came in to class on Monday morning, even though he had told me everything was okay, one look in his eyes told that they were not okay yet. So I've kind of been avoiding him. But today we finally talked about it, which I'm really glad for. He also pointed out a lot of things to me just from this morning's DAW, such as I set myself up for that girl to tell me I was standing like fluff (which I was, looking back on it), he also said I called her a bitch from my head, not from my gut, my feelings. (Which when I look back, he is also right about.)
And then I was rehearsing after that with L., and we decided just to do a straight Meisner repetition to get connected, and she really saw me (or perhaps I let her really see me), and one of the things she said to me was, "You don't feel safe." And I realized that I am not allowing myself to feel safe, even though the classroom is absolutely safe. And actually, J. said something to that effect as well, that no one in the classroom was going to hurt me, or reject me. So now the challenge for me is can I allow myself to trust in the safe space, and strip myself of my protective emotional guards, and really just let myself out? I've only got a week and a few days left.
Anyhow, today's instructor teaches every Wednesday, and he's been nudging me every week to not be nice. He'll say to me, "Tell him he's an f-ing bastard!" So today he called me on covering up some stuff that was said to me that really did bother me, but I covered it up with being glib and laughing it off. And then when I was confronted with one girl who was a cocky, condesending bitch, I actually called her a bitch on my own, didn't need any prompting there. (Although in all honesty I didn't call her on her condesending behavior at first, the instructor had to really push the realization into my awareness: "Look at how she's talking to you! She's treating you like you're nothing, like you're trash!") I said, "You're treating me like fluff!" She said, "You stand like you're fluff!" So then I called her a bitch. The instructor said to her, "What does it feel like that she called you that?" She just looked at me. Then the instructor coached her, "That is a real person across from you, not just an object. Take a look at the real person." So she took in a deep breath, and really saw me. "You're afraid I'm going to say something mean to you." I agreed.
So, on to the Actor's Instrument class. I really enjoy this class, it's so cool to explore the connection between body, voice, and acting. Today, we learned how intention and gesture is connected to body & voice, as well as exploring how leading with different parts of our bodies while walking changed our perception of ourselves. For example, when I led with my head, I found myself very worried, almost pissed off. But when I led with my knees, I felt like Goofy. Then when I led with my stomach, I felt like a fat lazy slob who didn't give a crap about anything. This probably makes no sense to non-actors, and I can't really explain everything we learned.
After class, J. and I finally had a long talk about what happened between us on stage last Thursday. After he had called me on Saturday night, when I came in to class on Monday morning, even though he had told me everything was okay, one look in his eyes told that they were not okay yet. So I've kind of been avoiding him. But today we finally talked about it, which I'm really glad for. He also pointed out a lot of things to me just from this morning's DAW, such as I set myself up for that girl to tell me I was standing like fluff (which I was, looking back on it), he also said I called her a bitch from my head, not from my gut, my feelings. (Which when I look back, he is also right about.)
And then I was rehearsing after that with L., and we decided just to do a straight Meisner repetition to get connected, and she really saw me (or perhaps I let her really see me), and one of the things she said to me was, "You don't feel safe." And I realized that I am not allowing myself to feel safe, even though the classroom is absolutely safe. And actually, J. said something to that effect as well, that no one in the classroom was going to hurt me, or reject me. So now the challenge for me is can I allow myself to trust in the safe space, and strip myself of my protective emotional guards, and really just let myself out? I've only got a week and a few days left.
Day 12: Meisner Technique
So yesterday, in the Daily Acting Workout, the instructor brought a habit I have during the repetition exercise to my attention. She said, "I want to challenge you." She pointed out that whenever someone makes an observation about me, I make an observation about their response to their observation of me, which keeps the repetition self centered. For example, they say, "You're happy." I say, "You like that." The instructor made sure that I understood that it' s not wrong to do that, but I also need to be aware of what their behaviors are, not just their responses to me. (I am really f-ing self-centered, aren't I??) So I tried, and immediately wound up in my head, and not being able to see a damn thing about the other person other than their responses. And that seems to happen to me a lot (not being able to see the underlying behaviors) which is why I have fallen on using that habit a lot I guess. I don't know if I just haven't learned to see deeper yet (which might very well be true and would explain a lot about my life experiences) or if they're just not giving me anything and I'm failing to call it. Or maybe it's vice versa, I'm not giving them anything and they're failing to call it.
Anyhow, yesterday in Meisner class we started with an activity added to the repetition. In other words, we have to carry on the repetition exercise with one person juggling or balancing an umbrella on their finger as if their life (or a loved one's) depended on it. It makes the repetition much more difficult because the person doing the activity cannot give the other person their full attention. So I got paired up with L, she had the umbrella. At first she was moving all over the stage with it, and I did my best to honestly express what I saw and felt. ("You're not paying attention to me.") Then Mark stopped us and said, "There is so much fake energy on the stage right now." That really shocked me, but then he singled out L. She was making a performance out of how difficult and urgent it was to balance the umbrella. He told her to hold still, not move her feet, and instead of her own life being in danger, to imagine it was her daughter's. The effect was immediate and L's reactions suddenly became frighteningly real. I felt so much compassion for her, watching her try to balance the umbrella, watching her struggle with her emotions, that I did not want to interrupt. I made observations quietly. But I did feel disconnected in the moment, I remember vividly feeling that she was alone on stage even though I was up there with her. Mark kept prompting me to stay out of my head, which I thought I was doing. I was doing my best to see her behaviors. Then when Mark stopped the exercise, he asked me what was going on with me during the exercise. I said I felt very drawn in by her, and I didn't want to interrupt. Mark said, "That was you thinking." CRAP! Then he said, "You have a responsibility to the other actor to interact fully, in spite of the activity, in spite of their emotional repsonses. You were very timid on stage today. Very timid." Disapproving, disappointed. And then he moved on to L. And then time necessitated moving on to another pair. I was extremely disappointed that I did not get the opportunity to try again, to make a better effort, and angry that he did not call me on it earlier in the exercise.
So between this exercise and last week's exercise with J, I've discovered that I'm very timid around extreme emotions, and that could present a problem during performance. BUT, I also believe that me being myself in a repetition is different than being a character in a performance. I believe that if I know where I have to go in a scene, and what my character's action is, I won't have any problem dealing with strong emotions, I will be able to hold my ground and interact fully. Evidence the scene I just did with D. last week. He was fully yelling at me, and I was fully yelling back, no problem.
Anyhow, yesterday in Meisner class we started with an activity added to the repetition. In other words, we have to carry on the repetition exercise with one person juggling or balancing an umbrella on their finger as if their life (or a loved one's) depended on it. It makes the repetition much more difficult because the person doing the activity cannot give the other person their full attention. So I got paired up with L, she had the umbrella. At first she was moving all over the stage with it, and I did my best to honestly express what I saw and felt. ("You're not paying attention to me.") Then Mark stopped us and said, "There is so much fake energy on the stage right now." That really shocked me, but then he singled out L. She was making a performance out of how difficult and urgent it was to balance the umbrella. He told her to hold still, not move her feet, and instead of her own life being in danger, to imagine it was her daughter's. The effect was immediate and L's reactions suddenly became frighteningly real. I felt so much compassion for her, watching her try to balance the umbrella, watching her struggle with her emotions, that I did not want to interrupt. I made observations quietly. But I did feel disconnected in the moment, I remember vividly feeling that she was alone on stage even though I was up there with her. Mark kept prompting me to stay out of my head, which I thought I was doing. I was doing my best to see her behaviors. Then when Mark stopped the exercise, he asked me what was going on with me during the exercise. I said I felt very drawn in by her, and I didn't want to interrupt. Mark said, "That was you thinking." CRAP! Then he said, "You have a responsibility to the other actor to interact fully, in spite of the activity, in spite of their emotional repsonses. You were very timid on stage today. Very timid." Disapproving, disappointed. And then he moved on to L. And then time necessitated moving on to another pair. I was extremely disappointed that I did not get the opportunity to try again, to make a better effort, and angry that he did not call me on it earlier in the exercise.
So between this exercise and last week's exercise with J, I've discovered that I'm very timid around extreme emotions, and that could present a problem during performance. BUT, I also believe that me being myself in a repetition is different than being a character in a performance. I believe that if I know where I have to go in a scene, and what my character's action is, I won't have any problem dealing with strong emotions, I will be able to hold my ground and interact fully. Evidence the scene I just did with D. last week. He was fully yelling at me, and I was fully yelling back, no problem.
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