Just Do It!

I am so sick of worrying about how I'm going to balance my massage business and my Mary Kay business with my acting career. At this point, I'm ready to just throw both the massage and the Mary Kay out the window, and focus 100% on acting. I've already decided that in the absence of massage clients, I should either be working on set Thursdays and Fridays (or in my Uncle's office--data entry, blah) instead of sitting around my house just in case a client calls and wants a same day appointment. I am sick of making bad decisions and not earning any money because of it, and not moving any closer to achieving my dreams because of it.

I offer the last three years as evidence. 2003: I had already done about 8 months of extra work starting the summer of June 2002 while taking college G.E. classes part time, not making enough money because the work wasn't steady enough. So I signed up at AppleOne temp agency without much more success. By summer 2003, I found a full time job at a Florist shop, and had decided to enroll in the Massage Therapy program at my local community college, so that I could have a well-paid skill to create financial stability for myself while pursuing an acting career. Aug 2003, I start the massage program full time, and take a once-a-week evening acting class so as not to loose touch with my original acting goal. Somewhere along the line, I do loose sight of my acting goal and decide I want to start a massage business. Graduate the massage program Dec 2005, but decide not to find a massage job at a day spa because I'm going to start my business in the nutritionist's office in a few months. I work 7 to 10 days a month giving massages in people's homes for donations. I'm barely making enough to pay rent, but I'm going to start my business in a few months. The months pass by, finally get my ducks in a row and start the massage permit application process in August, finally get everything approved mid-September, open for business. Since then, I've gotten maybe 18 clients. And most of them haven't come back. Granted, it's my own fault I'm not getting new clients because I haven't been advertising. I don't know what's the best way to do that, and I'm afraid to advertise because I know the ambiance isn't what it should be for massage with the wall not going to the ceiling and the talking and phone ringing, etc. I temporarily got involved with a great networking group called BNI that would have brought in a lot of business for me, but at about this time I reconnect with my acting goals and realize that I won't be able to reciprocate effectively for the rest of the BNI group while working towards my acting goals, so I withdraw from the group. Then a month or so later (it's January 2006 now) a golf course in the city my massage business is located in calls me and asks me if I want to buy advertising space in their new activity center for only $800/year. I turn that down as well, because I can't afford it, plus I don't know that it's worth it to pay that much if I'm only planning to be open part time. And then, last month, I sign up to be a Mary Kay consultant, because the financial opportunity sounded too good to pass up, despite the fact that I've never wanted to sell Mary Kay, despite the fact that I've resisted my cousin recruiting me for the last two years, despite the fact that my massage business is floundering so how the hell am I going to make this work, despite the fact that I have started working a boring data entry day job because the massage skills I learned that were supposed to be my financial security aren't--

Can I kick myself?? I've been making one bad decision after the next, and each one has been preventing me from moving forward in any direction, least of all my acting career! The best thing to happen to me was my cousin's boyfriend taking my headshots for me, I am so grateful he was willing to take the time to help me with that. And now that I've got my headshots in process (hopefully I'll have them in hand this weekend) I am so ready to just throw the rest of it out, the massage business, the Mary Kay, and just focus on the acting, because that's where my heart is, I won't allow myself to be distracted again. I am sick of worrying about how I'm going to make it all work. Just do it. Stop worrying and follow my heart. Do what you love and the money will follow. Just do it.