Thinking

Every now and then, I post the lyrics to that song I use to help myself feel better when it seems as if I'm making very little progress. Maybe you remember?

See the tiny turtle crawling up the hill,
Seems to you and me she's nearly standing still.
Though the steps she takes are infinitely small,
It's a step in the right direction after all!


It's a cute song, but I've decided I need to stop singing it. I think subconciously I'm holding myself back, training my mind to work for my goals in tiny, nearly invisible steps. I need a new song to sing for making good progress in a timely manner, meeting challenges with strength and grace and vibrant eagerness. (Bring it on!)

So, I finally got Sabrina's monologue recorded, on New Year's Eve actually. I got a really fun out-take too, that I plan to post on my LiveMansion Profile page. But filming Sabrina’s monologue was difficult for me. Since I hadn't been able to film my previous ideas, the rush of creative excitement had flickered out. For most of the takes I was concentrating so hard on making her cold and powerful, that I totally lost a sense of fun and the performance didn’t have much life in it. I was finally able to get the take I'll be using for my Round 3 submission after playing with the monologue while listening to a very dynamic and scary piece of music called "Nightmares" by Ronin Hardiman (on Michael Flatley’s Lord Of The Dance soundtrack). I am not happy with the fact that I did not get the monologue line perfect on this particular take, but this take just shines with life. The creative flame and spark of life was gone again in the next few takes after this one. Because I am having such a difficult time connecting with her character and her objectives, I feel that I am not appropriate to play Sabrina. I will post this video as a "compare & contrast" to my video as Mee-gan, and concentrate on getting votes in that role.

And yesterday, I attempted to film Mee-gan's monologue. I was very tired, and PMSing (sorry if that's TMI), so after the first take, which was awfully, I spent the next two hours feeling sorry for myself. But that take really frightened me, too. I played the character as I've been rehearsing her, and that take was so bad, so obviously a poor performance, the character did not work outwardly at all. So now that I've taken some time to recooperate, I feel more prepared to try again, and not sit around feeling sorry for myself if the take doesn't come out the way I expect.

It also got me thinking that I've been so focused on being the character instead of objectives, that I'm loosing a lot of honesty. I'm thinking back on what I learned in The Actor's Boot Camp last summer, that it's not about how you feel or how you say the lines, it's about affecting the other person, it's about what you want to do to them or get from them. And I'm thinking maybe I need to apply that to this monologue. Who am I speaking to and why? Maybe I need to stop trying so hard to be a character, and just focus on that.

No comments: