I just watched a movie called Before Sunrise, starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy. First, I *love* the acting in this movie, Hawke and Delpy were so connected in this movie, there was so much subtext, so much more being said beyond the written script. Watching this movie is like eating an hot fudge sundae, IMHO. The two of them were just so natural and real together, their conversation did not feel like it was scripted at all. (And since I know nothing about the making of this film, it may very well be that the script was improvised. I don't know.)
Second, I'd forgotten how much I like Ethan Hawke as an actor. I first saw him in Explorers when I was a kid, and then the next time I saw him was in Dead Poet's Society, both movies I loved. Then I didn't see him in anything until a few years ago: Snow Falling On Cedars, Great Expectations, Gattaca. From those movies, I got the idea that he had turned to playing very serious, heavy, dramatic characters, and I didn't really like those movies very much. (Although Gattaca was an interesting premise.) So to see him in a light character as he plays in Before Sunrise was wonderful! And then I saw Reality Bites for the first time, and now I'm in love with his acting again, and now I've got a huge crush on him. Plus the fact that he is so freaking handsome helps a lot! *sigh* And the fact that I'm in my "GOD, I WANT A BOYFRIEND!!" mood again is a major factor too.
Anyhow, moving on. I've found a new blog I'm enjoying reading immensely. Magikat is an actor in New York, and she is out there doing it, folks, she is out there taking action and making her dream come true. It's very inspiring to me to read her blog, and her writing style is honest, entertaining, positive. The only thing about her blog is that the font is small and white on a black background, it starts to bug my eyes out after a few minutes, but that is not enough to keep me away. I'll still end up reading for an hour, if that's how long it takes me to catch up on what she's written. (I highlight the text so the colors are reversed and that helps for a while, until the little black lines between the highlights start to bug out my eyes, so then I read un-highlighted for a while.)
And now moving on to fear. I'm reading Influence and Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway simultaneously. Feel The Fear... is a very good book. Everything that I've learned from personal experience about dealing with fear is in it, plus a lot that I haven't learned yet. So I currently have an acting related fear. I am afraid to sign up for extra work again, mostly for financial reasons. I have been working three days a week at my uncle's business, and it is so nice to have a steady income again, and a little money to spare, so that I'm not living from paycheck to paycheck like I have been for the last several years. I am afraid that if I sign up for extra work, I will loose the little bit of financial security that I've found. Plus, if I don't have a steady income, it will be that much harder to afford my headshots, postcards, and the postage to mail them out. But after Show Biz U, plus reading Magikat's blog and Feel The Fear..., I need to be out there doing it too. Even if it's just extra work, sometimes opportunities exist on the set. (And therefore, it is not entirely loitering.) I just need to learn how to keep my eyes open and find them.
I'm also considering letting my massage business go when my permit expires in Aug. The room in the nutritionist's office is only available to me three days a week. Which makes it more difficult to find new clients, especially when they call on Monday and want a same day appointment, but I'm not open until Thursday. Plus, the wall connecting to the rest of the office doesn't go all the way to the ceiling, and JS (the nutritionist) has her consultation appointments simultaneously so there is always talking, and the phone ringing. I've turned my music up so that it almost drowns it out, and most of the few clients I have haven't said anything about the outside noise levels, but a lot of them aren't coming back. And the stupid thing is, I realized the wall might be an issue before we started the permit application process, but we had talked about my working in her office for so long, I didn't want to back out of our agreement. So between my part-time status and the noise, I am hesitant to spend any money on advertising. I think the whole thing was bad decision making on my part. I would love to move into my own place come August, but I haven't figured out how I can afford it. Anyways, if I did attempt to find a business place to lease it would take 100% of my time and focus to make it happen, with nothing left over for my acting career. And my acting career is where my heart is. I'm thinking the best thing to do is just let it go, and see about working on-call as a massage therapist at the local hospitals or perhaps work in a spa or salon. I don't know yet. I've got a few months to figure it out. And maybe by August everything will have changed and I won't need to worry about it.
You know how a lot of famous actors have restaurants or their own line of fashion clothing? I want to have a Massage Center (Holistic Healing, Wellness) or Day Spa. That is what I hope Living Bodycare can grow into. I keep getting side tracked into thinking I need to work on that simultaneously as the acting, but perhaps it's better to put that idea aside until I can afford it.
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