To audition or not to audition, that is the question...

I am such a FREAKING WORRY-WART!!!! AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!! I hate it!

Okay, here's the deal: As you may or may not have read, about two months ago, I cancelled an audition appointment I had because my family was planning a trip to Germany. But about a week ago, the crap hit the fan between my parents (massive rollercoaster last weekend) and the trip is looking like a no-go, although everything is still up in the air.

So a few days ago, I got a group e-mail from the Playhouse that I've auditioned for a couple of times before (Mr. 80% and The Laramie Project). They were asking people to audition for their upcoming production of Honeymoon At Graveside Manor, I guess they didn't get a very good turn out the first night of auditions. I chose not to go to the audition because I'm still not certain what's going on with the Germany trip, or my parents. (There may be another massive rollercoaster in store.)

But just now, when I signed on, there was another e-mail from the director of Honeymoon..., this one was only sent to five people including myself. He's still looking for his leading couple, a man and a woman. The director wrote: "I look forward to hearing from you. You come highly recommended!"

So now my freaking Ego is thinking: "Wow, they must have really liked my previous auditions if they're including me in a limited audition invitation (that says 'You come highly recommended'). Maybe I should audition." And of course my Pessimist is thinking: "Yeah, either that or you five are the only actors who haven't auditioned for them yet and they're desperate." (Thanks for sharing, have a nice day!)

And my Worry-Wart won't let me decide if I should audition or not, because if the trip to Germany is a go after all, the trip dates conflict with the performance dates. And I don't know if there's going to be another rollercoaster. And the female lead needs to be comfortable appearing in lingerie, which I would be if the lingerie is conservative, but if they want some sexy, skimpy outfit, then no way. And I've moved, so the drive to the theater is going to be much longer. And, once again, there is no guarantee that they will cast me. ("Reality is not optional" - Bob Fraser)And I haven't touched my Prelude to a Kiss monologue since my last audition in May or learnt my new "Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile" monologue which is more comedic than Prelude. And-and-and...!!

And I'm pretty sure I need to make up my mind fairly quickly. Rehersals start next Tuesday. BLAH!

P.S. (And now I feel like a dork, because I just looked at the Audition Notice e-mail again, and they don't need a monologue, the audition is cold readings.)