I just sent an e-mail to the theater cancelling the audition appointment I'd made for The Laramie Project. I have two reasons for this. The first is that my family is planning a trip to Germany to visit relatives there (Mom's side). I haven't been to Germany in over 20 years, and as my Dad keeps saying, the relatives there aren't getting any younger. Already we won't be able to visit one of my Mom's aunts, she can't handle us visiting her home. Anyhow, the dates we have planned for the trip will conflict with the last week of performances of The Laramie Project, so I don't want to waste the director's time by auditioning.
The other reason I have for cancelling is that I'm barely keeping my head above water financially, feels more like I'm drowning at the moment, so I feel I really need to focus most of my energy towards getting my massage business rolling, finding supplimental sources of income in the meantime other than just working for donations. I'd really really like to find a temporary part-time job through the end of August. Hopefully I'll be working in the nutritionist's office by then, but every time I think I'll be working by a specific time, not enough is accomplished in the application process and the weeks just keep passing by, the date when I'll be working keeps getting pushed away. All the wonderful forward energy that I've had towards my acting goals needs to be redirected towards my finances and my new business for a little while.
*sigh* Not very happy about it, but that's what needs to be done.
I'm finding it very difficult to follow through on that as well, in spite of my financial frustrations. A friend of mine just forwarded me an e-mail with a coupon for a class from the Learning Annex: Learn the Secrets to Showbiz Success with Ron L. Schwary. With the coupon, I'd only have to pay $30 to go, which isn't bad, IMHO. (Can put it on my credit card where the interest will bump the cost up to $100 or more by the time I'm able to pay it off.) Part of me thinks I've already got other sources to learn the "secrets of showbiz success". The other part of me, however, says it's always good to learn from as many different sources as possible, creates a well-rounded view of the industry, and if Schwary ends up saying pretty much the same stuff as what I've already heard, then it will be drummed into my memory that much stronger. But I still haven't decided yet if I'll go or not.
I think my frustrations and worries about the future are making me blind to the opportunities being provided by the Universe right now in both acting and finances. This e-mail is an opportunity to further my knowledge of the business of Hollywood. And I recently met a woman who knows the owner of a day spa, she called and set me up with an application and interview. I've been hesitating following up on that because at this point I really only want something temporary, 2-3 months tops, and I don't want to screw anyone over by lying and saying I'll stay longer when I have no intention of doing so.
Anyhow, this is getting away from acting, so I'm going to end this entry here.
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