Well, it's after 10 pm, and I haven't gotten a call back from the audition I had Monday night. I'm disappointed, it would have been cool if I'd been cast. I went in with the intention of giving a good enough audition to get cast if I could, but the primary intention was just to get out there and DO it. Which I did.
And I've been in a funk ever since, and I can't quite figure out why. The moment I walked out of the theater after the audition, this weird calmness came over me, and the last two days I've been feeling depressed, even while I thought I had a real shot at getting cast. Maybe it's a reaction to finally coming down off the adrenaline high I've been on since I got back from that seminar on Apr. 17th. Maybe there is no reason this time, maybe it's just a bad emotional habit I didn't realize I had, some sort of weird emotional protection thing. But I feel lost and disconnected from the passion and focus I had before, disconnected from the wonderful flow of opportunities the Universe was sending me. THANKS FOR SHARING!!
By allowing myself to feel this way, I'm devaluing my success. Because I did succeed, I took a risk and went out to audition. I set a goal for myself and I followed through on it. And that's a step in the right direction. And I will continue to follow through on it. There is another audition on Sunday for a musical, "So Alone", I can audition for the ensemble.
The way I'm feeling right now is not reality. I know I still want to pursue my acting goal because I got to talk with a friend I hadn't talked to for a couple of weeks, and I was telling her all the wonderful things that have been happening, and I snapped right out of my mood and got excited all over again for a little while. I still want to do this. I guess I must just be worn out from the adrenaline rush for the moment.
By the way, that "Thanks for Sharing" technique is something I picked up at the seminar, I find it very useful. Whenever I find myself thinking negative thoughts, after I've given them a voice, I say "Thanks for sharing!" and then immediately I can stop worrying about them and let them go. It's pretty cool.
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