Observable Realities

I started reading "You Must Act" last night after I downloaded it. It's really good stuff, down to earth, telling it like it is in Hollywood. Fraser makes sure you know how much hard work will have to go into working successfully, and he makes sure you know exactly what to expect: that acting in Hollywood is a business, that you will be rejected on a massive scale, and there will be long hours on the set once you do get cast. He makes sure you know what kind of stuff you need to be made of in order to "make it". But he is entirely optomistic that if you do have what it takes, or can grow to have what it takes, then you will find success. It may take a while, it may take a LONG while, but you will find it eventually. He focuses on what he calls "Observable Realities", things about the business that you can see in any successful actor's career if you take the time to look closely. And all of this so far is just in the first 150 pages (of 435 pages!) And the thing that amazes me the most is how the stuff he's teaching in this book goes hand in hand with the stuff I learned at the Millionaire Mind Intensive, it's the same message really, just about acting instead of money.

One of the things that hit home in what I've read so far: In order to succeed, you need to LOVE to act, or you won't have the internal strength to perservere all the hardships you will meet. He asks us to consider if there is any other job we could be happy doing instead. When I read that, and then all the stuff about up at 4am for 14 hour days, the amount of rejection involved, the amount of perserverence involved, I wondered, "Do I have what it takes really? I must be crazy for wanting to do this! Sitting on my couch watching the Behind-The-Scene specials and screaming in my heart that I want to do that and the actual reality of doing it are an ocean apart. Do I really love to act? But then I think about giving up, and I realize that I cannot walk away without even trying. I cannot allow myself to fail that miserably. And there is nothing else that creates as much passion inside my heart as acting in film & TV. Yes, I find massage therapy fulfilling, but I'm not passionate about it. Pursuing a career as a massage therapist does not scare the crap out of me like the thought of an acting career. And I realized, as well, that if I allow myself to doubt even a little bit that I might not have what it takes, then I won't have what it takes. "Wether you think you can or can not, you are right." --Henry Ford

Another thing that made me consider was the whole ability to work 14 hours day after day, to act effectively no matter how you're feeling, and all the other stresses related to making a movie: Do I have what it takes to accomplish that? That created doubt for me as well, because I know that I do not function well when I don't get enough sleep. I remember when I was doing extra work, I was on the set one night until midnight, and I live an hour outside of LA, so I didn't get to bed until just after 1 am, and I was booked on a different show the next day with a call time of 8 am, which meant I needed to leave my house at 6am (traffic in to LA in the mornings is a B*%$! and you have to make sure you arrive to the set at least 15 min early) which meant that I needed to get up at 4:30am to shower, do my hair and makeup (makeup artists usually only look at extras to make sure they are presentable, and they get annoyed if they have to do your hair & makeup for you.) So I went to the set the next day with barely 3 1/2 hours sleep, carrying my obligatory 3 changes of clothing for wardrobe to choose from, which weighed nearly 20 lbs. The Assistant Director was pissy that morning, after I got approval from hair and make up she gave me very brief directions to the set: "Go down to that roof, go to the left, there's a food truck there." So that's what I did, and sure enough there was a food truck. I ordered my breakfast, and while I was waiting for it, a man wearing a jacket with the "Angel" TV show logo on it walked up. I thought, "Oh, he must have worked on that show." But then another man wearing an identical jacket walked up. Uh oh. "Is this where I need to be for [the show I was working on]?" I asked. The guy said, "I've never heard of that show. This is holding for 'Angel'." Crap. But the food guy was nice enough to let me have the food I'd ordered anyway. So I took my food, my 20lbs of clothing, and went back to the A.D. who'd directed me in the first place. "I found the 'Angel' food truck." I told her. She looked pissed, and gave me the directions again. I followed what I thought were her instructions, but the soundstage I needed to be at was no where to be found. I asked a couple of people I saw walking by if they knew where the soundstage was, but they didn't know either. I was lost, my food was getting cold, and my clothes were getting heavier and heavier. Finally my fatigue and frustration got the better of me, and I crouched down against a wall sobbing uncontrollably. After a while I pulled myself together and stood up, and a man came by and asked me if I was okay. I told him I was lost, that I was looking for the soundstage, and he said, "Honey, you're just on the far side of it, it's just around here." And he took me where I needed to be. After I got to extra holding, I took a catnap sitting up in a folding chair against the wall, and was just extremely lucky that the A.D. didn't send me home for sleeping on the job. And the rest of the day I was fuzzy, I didn't always catch the instructions for the extras and did something wrong. Thank goodness I was always in a corner far away from the camera and the action. There was one scene where the main characters were having dinner in a nice restaurant, and I was sitting at a table in the corner, and I got slap-happy, silently laughing uncontrollably and decided to go with it and act drunk. After the director yelled "Cut!", one of the A.D.s came over to me and sternly said, "There are people trying to have a nice quiet dinner here." For a moment I thought he was joking, then I realized he was serious. The next take, I couldn't look at anyone else at my table for fear that I'd start laughing again, and then my knife slipped out of my hand and hit the plate loudly. That was not a good day at all.

So that was one of my experiences with not functioning well on minimal sleep, and that worried me in regard to having what it takes to be able to work. And I talked myself out of that worry this morning, I'd be able to get more sleep as an actor (as opposed to an extra), that maybe I'd have a trailer I could nap in, or I could close my eyes whenever possible between takes. And that once I'm in better physical shape than I am now, I'll have more stamina to get through those long hours. And that being somewhat fatigued can be a blessing in disguise in that it breaks down a lot of the barriers to emotional reaction. (Learned that through experience at the Millionaire Mind Intensive as well. And from the experience I've just described I now realize.) But I've just realized that getting more sleep just because I'm an actor instead of an extra isn't necessarily true. Especially in the beginning, while I'm still living here in Orange County instead of in or closer to LA. And I've just realized that I may not get a trailer either, especially just starting out.

But there is still being in better shape to consider, and catnapping when and where I can. I guess we'll see with that one.

And there's still a bunch more I want to write, but this entry has gotten psychotically long, so I'll save it for another day.