I'm so happy with my new blog! I love it! This is so much better than Diaryland! I chose to re-post all of my acting journal entries from Diaryland here, because they illustrate my growth. Honestly, though, I was starting to get frustrated with a lot of the older posts from 2003 and 2004, because they're fluff! But my mind was more focused on the Massage Therapy program I was enrolled in during that time period as well. Now that I've completed school, I have more free time to focus on other things, such as acting!
I've also begun to play piano again, now that my piano's been moved into the apartment. And I'm taking the time to re-learn "The Moonlight Sonata". That was one of the first pieces of music I learned to play when I was 14, I learned it through sheer determination and rote memorization because I could not read the music fluidly enough to play from it. And the "Moonlight" became my signature piece. I learned to play it so well, it was my mother's favorite. She always used to say that she could tell what mood I was in by the way I played it.
And I think acting should be that way too. Learn the script so well that the words are automatic, and you can color it with any emotional shade, depth and intensity naturally and freely. (Like Alfred Molina....AAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHH! I've got such a freaking crush!!!!! LOL!)
I know I have what it takes to be an awesome actress inside of me, I can see it, I can feel it. I have the ability to analyze the character and the script thoroughly. I have the ability to express emotions honestly and passionately, I see and feel that when I play piano; I just haven't learned to apply that skill as effectively to acting yet. I haven't had the courage to allow myself to apply it to a scene as effectively yet.
I've also begun to play piano again, now that my piano's been moved into the apartment. And I'm taking the time to re-learn "The Moonlight Sonata". That was one of the first pieces of music I learned to play when I was 14, I learned it through sheer determination and rote memorization because I could not read the music fluidly enough to play from it. And the "Moonlight" became my signature piece. I learned to play it so well, it was my mother's favorite. She always used to say that she could tell what mood I was in by the way I played it.
And I think acting should be that way too. Learn the script so well that the words are automatic, and you can color it with any emotional shade, depth and intensity naturally and freely. (Like Alfred Molina....AAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHH! I've got such a freaking crush!!!!! LOL!)
I know I have what it takes to be an awesome actress inside of me, I can see it, I can feel it. I have the ability to analyze the character and the script thoroughly. I have the ability to express emotions honestly and passionately, I see and feel that when I play piano; I just haven't learned to apply that skill as effectively to acting yet. I haven't had the courage to allow myself to apply it to a scene as effectively yet.
On a recent episode of "The Starlet", the girls went through a class teaching them to express anger. One of the girls, Cecile, was crying, screaming, shaking! That alone scared the crap out of me. But then the teacher told her to turn it off. She took in a deep shaky breath, I didn't think she'd be able to pull it off, but then her face went blank and she sat still. Oh. My. God. Wow! That scared me even more. In the first place, I am frightened to connect to any emotion that strongly, especially the darker emotions, fear, anger, hatred. And then, in the second place, I would be terrified that once I got there, I wouldn't be able to turn it off.
Perhaps I'm missing the point of that exercise. They didn't show what the purpose of the exercise was meant to be. Perhaps the purpose was just for you to feel connected to the emotion, and know that you'd be okay once you got there, know that you had control and could turn it off. Because I'm thinking back on all the "Actor's Studio" episodes I've watched, and the one thing every guest has said, over and over, is just to trust yourself. Don't force the emotion, it will come. Follow your objective, listen to the other person, be in the moment and the emotion will come. And the teacher for that class said, "Bad acting is showing that you are angry. Good acting is not showing that you're angry."
The one thing I've seen more clearly than anything while watching "The Starlet" is these girls allow fear and insecurity to hold them back. And it totally hits home with me, because I've been doing the same thing! And I almost allowed myself to believe that I didn't have what it takes because of the fears. But then I watched Alfred Molina, relaxed and confident on the set, and I realized that I don't want to let those fears hold me back anymore. I want to blast past them and skyrocket. I know I can. That has happened in nearly every area of my life: I start something new tentatively and fearfully, usually at a lower level than most other people. But then, while most people stay at the same level they started with or perhaps improve slightly, as I gain confidence in myself I shoot past them, creating a larger growth curve. It can be that way for me with acting as well. I just have to choose to allow it to happen.
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