Nessie

Wow, it's been a while, hasn't it? I'm still alive, still breathing. I've been working various temp assignments. Got to visit Cambria with Mom a couple of weekends ago. Very nice & relaxing. And I got to see wild Sea Elephants! Not "tame" ones in a zoo, but wild Sea Elephants on the beach. And it was mating season, so the Sea Elephants were very active. Males fighting each other, females fighting each other, baby seals screeching, males chasing the females, grabbing them and having their way, it was all very primal.

And the next day, we went to another beach and there was a bull Sea Elephant alone on the beach. We watched him from a safe distance (they're huge--1500 lbs--and dangerous, if you get too close they'll attack) and he decided to go swimming in the shallow surf. With just his back poking out of the water, he looked like a sea monster. Then he lifted his trunk high out of the water, and it looked like the famous picture of the Loch Ness Monster. So there you have it: The Loch Ness Monster is actually a giant Sea Elephant!!

(Actually, now that I've looked at the picture of Nessie again after all these years, the Sea Elephant's trunk is too short and thick, and didn't look like the picture at all. Oh well.)

Now on to Acting Land. I actually, FINALLY, really got my headshot prints ordered! Whoopee!! So, I'll have auditions to write about soon. I really feel like I'm getting left behind and it's my own fault. Friends who got into the business much more recently than I have are farther along in their careers after a few months than I am after five years of being "committed" to my career choice. (I put the quotes around the word "committed", because how committed am I really if I'm not making much progress??) They seem to know more about the business than I do. What is wrong with me? Why am I not learning what I need to learn? Or seeking out the information I need to learn? Why am I not taking the actions I need to take? Why do I keep procrastinating? Apparently I am too afraid and move very slowly in order to feel safe. In order to learn the confidence I need to take the next step, since no one can hold my hand. Since I am sick of being a child and don't want anyone to hold my hand. Anyway, those who I have inspired have zipped right past me, and I don't like it. It's rekindled the flame underneath me a bit, to do my own zipping. Headshots are on their way.

I've also gathered together my birthday & Christmas $$, I have enough to buy a digital video camera. My plan for the camera is two-fold. First, I can practice auditioning. Grab one of my monologue books off the shelf, randomly pick a monologue, work it for 5-10 minutes (maybe 15) and then film it, just like what happens in a real audition. Maybe read a few scenes. And then I get to see my work, and critique myself, unlike a real audition. Hopefully this way I can improve my skills. Second, I can work with a couple of my friends on a few scenes, really go in depth into them, and then film them on location so that they look semi-professional (assuming the camera comes with some sort of editing software), and hopefully use the finished product for my reel, just to start out, until I get real professional footage.

I also need to start auditioning for local community theater again. I need more experience being part of a story from beginning to end, not just one scene. I need to learn more about my self as an actor, my strengths, my weaknesses, I need to build better habits about homework, rehearsal. My (stupid) reason for not auditioning previously was that if I got cast in a play, I wouldn't be able to work background, a real, permanent job wasn't an option, and I didn't want to work temp, for various reasons that are now unclear to me. (I hated office work, I had a bad experience with AppleOne--I'm with Abigail Abbott now, and very happy with them.) Anyhow, I need to stop making excuses and JUST DO IT!!

I give myself permission to feel the fear and JUST DO IT anyways!!

JUST DO IT!!