Last day of Boot Camp I!! I didn't go to the Daily Acting Workout again because I hadn't slept well.
We were still doing activity repetitions, this time it was my turn to be outside the door. After my partner refused to open the door for me for several minutes, I started drumming on the door until my partner screamed, "Shut up!" I yelled back, "Make me!" and went right on drumming. When my partner finally opened the door, he looked at me and asked, "Finished?" I just laughed. Mark stopped the exercise right there.
"I am amazed at how quickly you turned it into a joke." he said. "Up until he opened the door, the tension building here in the room was massive. Then he opened the door, and you laughed. How long were you standing out there? A long time. Do you think it's funny that he left you out there that long? Why didn't you get angry at him: 'Why did you leave me out there so long, f-er?' And you hurt yourself knocking on the door, do you think that's funny?"
The palms of my hands were still stinging from all the pounding I had done. And really, it wasn't funny at all.
Mark had us start the repetition again, and this time he came out in the hall with me for a moment, and told me to find a reason that I needed to come into the room, a simple, specific, urgent reason, and once I got in the door I could let that go and just be with my partner. He went back in to the classroom and I was locked out again. I decided my reason was that my sister was in the room, and she was leaving for a long time, and I wouldn't get to say goodbye to her if I didn't get into the room. (I adore my sister with all of my heart.) So after waiting a minute, I jiggled the door handle, discovered it was locked, and started pounding on the door. "Let me in!" My partner refused. "You're ignoring me! You're a fucking bastard! Let me in!" I began throwing my bodyweight against the door, and then stopped myself because I realized that I would actually break the door down if I continued. So I went back to pounding. Suddenly I heard him scream with fury and rage. I stopped pounding. I heard what sounded like laughter. I yelled, "You're laughing at me!" He screamed back, "I'm not laughing at you!" In that moment, my heart broke hearing his anguish, and I realized that his circumstances were just as important to him as mine were to me, and that if one of us didn't take the first step at understanding that, I would never get in. So I said, "You're furious. You're hurt." He repeated. I said without pounding, "Please let me in. Please, please, please!" I was nearly in tears, and he finally opened the door. I was so freaking grateful that he had, I said, "Thank you." And then I sat with him on stage as he continued his activity, and simply observed him, calling his behaviors, but I felt so connected to him, and even though he was focused on his activity, he was connected to me as well. At one point, he seemed to give up, at first I was surprised, "You're giving up." Then I was angry, "You're giving up!" That spurred him back into action. And then there was a moment when he had started repeating softly. I sighed and said, "You're speaking too softly." (That freaking sigh again.) He repeated, but didn't increase his volume. So I felt another sigh coming, and this time I channeled it, and said full voice, almost commanding, "You're speaking too softly!" Yay for overcoming that sigh, finally!
When Mark stopped the exercise, he asked me what had changed for me the second time through. I said having a specific reason to get into the room really made a difference, because I had spent the morning thinking about all the cute and funny ways I could get into the room, making myself laugh, it was a game, and that's why I laughed so easily the first time. And then I suddenly remembered the moment that I felt my partner's anguish, and I gave a huge sigh. Mark pounced: "What was that sigh? What's that about?" I explained I was thinking about that moment, and Mark clarified, "So you were reliving that just now." I said yes, and explained that was when I had realized my partner's circumstances were just as important to him, and that's when I stopped pounding and started begging, "Please please please."
Mark said, "So you allowed your partner to change you without losing your own intention."
I said, "Yes." And then I couldn't hold back a big goofy grin, because that was the whole point of the thing. I had done it!
Mark asked me if I had felt connected to my partner once I was in the room, and I replied "Yes!" with absolute confidence. I said, "Last time, when I was working with Linda on the umbrella repetition, I remember feeling like she was alone on stage even though I was up there with her, and this time it felt like, 'I am here!'"
So it seems I had a breakthrough and got it right, what a wonderful way to end Boot Camp I! I did get a call on Wednesday evening inviting me to Boot Camp II, and that starts July 10th. So I have a month to work and earn money, pay off some of my credit card. I'm glad for the time off, but I'm so excited that I get to contine learning this stuff. And I still have some tickets for the Daily Acting Workout that I can use in the meantime so that I don't loose everything I've gained during the time off. And Mark is such an awesome teacher, I've learned so much from him, I'm sad I won't get to work with him anymore, he doesn't teach in Boot Camp II.
Onward, and upward!
We were still doing activity repetitions, this time it was my turn to be outside the door. After my partner refused to open the door for me for several minutes, I started drumming on the door until my partner screamed, "Shut up!" I yelled back, "Make me!" and went right on drumming. When my partner finally opened the door, he looked at me and asked, "Finished?" I just laughed. Mark stopped the exercise right there.
"I am amazed at how quickly you turned it into a joke." he said. "Up until he opened the door, the tension building here in the room was massive. Then he opened the door, and you laughed. How long were you standing out there? A long time. Do you think it's funny that he left you out there that long? Why didn't you get angry at him: 'Why did you leave me out there so long, f-er?' And you hurt yourself knocking on the door, do you think that's funny?"
The palms of my hands were still stinging from all the pounding I had done. And really, it wasn't funny at all.
Mark had us start the repetition again, and this time he came out in the hall with me for a moment, and told me to find a reason that I needed to come into the room, a simple, specific, urgent reason, and once I got in the door I could let that go and just be with my partner. He went back in to the classroom and I was locked out again. I decided my reason was that my sister was in the room, and she was leaving for a long time, and I wouldn't get to say goodbye to her if I didn't get into the room. (I adore my sister with all of my heart.) So after waiting a minute, I jiggled the door handle, discovered it was locked, and started pounding on the door. "Let me in!" My partner refused. "You're ignoring me! You're a fucking bastard! Let me in!" I began throwing my bodyweight against the door, and then stopped myself because I realized that I would actually break the door down if I continued. So I went back to pounding. Suddenly I heard him scream with fury and rage. I stopped pounding. I heard what sounded like laughter. I yelled, "You're laughing at me!" He screamed back, "I'm not laughing at you!" In that moment, my heart broke hearing his anguish, and I realized that his circumstances were just as important to him as mine were to me, and that if one of us didn't take the first step at understanding that, I would never get in. So I said, "You're furious. You're hurt." He repeated. I said without pounding, "Please let me in. Please, please, please!" I was nearly in tears, and he finally opened the door. I was so freaking grateful that he had, I said, "Thank you." And then I sat with him on stage as he continued his activity, and simply observed him, calling his behaviors, but I felt so connected to him, and even though he was focused on his activity, he was connected to me as well. At one point, he seemed to give up, at first I was surprised, "You're giving up." Then I was angry, "You're giving up!" That spurred him back into action. And then there was a moment when he had started repeating softly. I sighed and said, "You're speaking too softly." (That freaking sigh again.) He repeated, but didn't increase his volume. So I felt another sigh coming, and this time I channeled it, and said full voice, almost commanding, "You're speaking too softly!" Yay for overcoming that sigh, finally!
When Mark stopped the exercise, he asked me what had changed for me the second time through. I said having a specific reason to get into the room really made a difference, because I had spent the morning thinking about all the cute and funny ways I could get into the room, making myself laugh, it was a game, and that's why I laughed so easily the first time. And then I suddenly remembered the moment that I felt my partner's anguish, and I gave a huge sigh. Mark pounced: "What was that sigh? What's that about?" I explained I was thinking about that moment, and Mark clarified, "So you were reliving that just now." I said yes, and explained that was when I had realized my partner's circumstances were just as important to him, and that's when I stopped pounding and started begging, "Please please please."
Mark said, "So you allowed your partner to change you without losing your own intention."
I said, "Yes." And then I couldn't hold back a big goofy grin, because that was the whole point of the thing. I had done it!
Mark asked me if I had felt connected to my partner once I was in the room, and I replied "Yes!" with absolute confidence. I said, "Last time, when I was working with Linda on the umbrella repetition, I remember feeling like she was alone on stage even though I was up there with her, and this time it felt like, 'I am here!'"
So it seems I had a breakthrough and got it right, what a wonderful way to end Boot Camp I! I did get a call on Wednesday evening inviting me to Boot Camp II, and that starts July 10th. So I have a month to work and earn money, pay off some of my credit card. I'm glad for the time off, but I'm so excited that I get to contine learning this stuff. And I still have some tickets for the Daily Acting Workout that I can use in the meantime so that I don't loose everything I've gained during the time off. And Mark is such an awesome teacher, I've learned so much from him, I'm sad I won't get to work with him anymore, he doesn't teach in Boot Camp II.
Onward, and upward!
1 comment:
Congrats on your invite to Boot Camp II. By reading all your experiences, the passion that is coming through in your writing - how you describe each day - it's obvious how much this is meaning to you and how much you are getting out of it. What a wonderful time for you. Glad you get another go 'round!
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