Stalled out temporarily

This post may be somewhat whiny, so feel free to skip it.

I feel like the forward momentum I had towards my acting goals last week has completely stalled out temporarily, due to circumstances more or less out of my control. There are no other plays that I'm appropriate to audition for until Laramie in June. And, it turns out non-paid community theater is absolutely useless when it comes to starting a professional acting career in Film & TV anyways. (See previous post.) Still, the value lies in DOING it, although it doesn't feel quite as high a value anymore. But at least I'm gaining acting experience, increasing my skill. Which I still believe is important in the long run, although not the most important thing.

In Mr. Fraser's book, he is consistantly stating that the only thing that will get your foot in the door is perserverence. Talent, skill, appearance, age, none of that makes a difference. Somehow, I cannot reconcile that thought with my own "observable reality": Only the skilled actors get to work on the high quality projects (not necessarily the same thing as a big-budget project.) Which is something I want to do. What Mr. Fraser writes in his book, as he wrote in response to my question, is "strictly business...aimed at getting you working." And it's all really good stuff. But I cannot let go of the idea that in the long run, skill doesn't make a difference. If it truly didn't, there would be a whole lot of bad acting in film and on TV. And actually, now that I think about it, there is, isn't there, I just don't usually watch any of it. "B" movies are made all the time, "B" TV shows, all of those actors are paid professional actors, too. So, I guess the reason I'm having such an issue with skill not being a factor is because for my personal goals and dreams within the industry, it does make a difference in the long run. Hm.

[May 26th, 2005 -- NOTE: I've just re-read this post, and I've read more of his book in the meantime. In the later parts he talks about skill and talent being important, much to my relief and exultation: I knew it made sense that even though there are those actors who become famous and successful without being immensely talented, in general talent and skill are a requirement and an asset. Anyhow, I didn't want to leave anyone with the idea that Mr. Fraser is saying that talent & skill are absolutely meaningless to an acting career, that was my misinterpretation. I believe his meaning is that while talent & skill are useful to the longevity of a career, an acting career needs to be built upon perserverance above all else, without perserverance your career will go nowhere.]

I read another chunk of You Must Act! (Mr. Fraser's book) yesterday, the section about an actor's tool kit. And it took what little wind I had left out of my sails. There are so many things I need to get to be able to start pursuing a professional career, the most important of which is headshots ($350 max) then reprints of the headshots ($80), and I have no money to get them! I feel like, once again, my dream is being put on the back burner. And it SUCKS!! I keep reminding myself that this is only temporary, I actually, finally have an appointment with the city to start the application process for my Massage Permit (tomorrow!), and once I'm working in an office, my income will increase and I'll be able to afford all this stuff I need. I'm just so tired of waiting, I've been waiting so long already! Mr Fraser encourages us to ACT NOW, and I want to, but I'm stuck!! Temporarily, gotta remember that, it's only temporarily stuck.