Frustrated with my monologue

I've been rehearsing my Blue Window monologue today. I haven't worked on my monologue for about a week, since I showed it to my aunt. And I feel like I've lost most of the emotional connection I had to it. A few days ago, I worked on analyzing the first 3 or 4 sentences to create a connection to the moment before and those first few lines.

Since I feel there must be a link between how I can connect so easily to the piano pieces I play and being able to connect to a monologue, I've been observing myself play the songs I'm still learning. When I first start learning to play a piece, my playing is really rough & choppy (Even after years of playing, I haven't learned how to read music quickly and accurately. I can do one or the other, not both.) There's no way I can bring out any connection I feel through my playing at that point. But then after a week or so of playing the piece every day, suddenly it starts to smooth out and really flow.

I realized that I should do that with my monologue as well, just rehearse it every day a few times, and hopefully the connections I need will develop naturally.

But (and this is where my frustrations come in) I find myself aiming for specific emotional reactions. I say "aiming for", because in my mind, I can see and feel what emotional reactions ideally I 'should' have with the monologue, but I never push (very hard) for those reactions, because I know that's bad, makes the acting dishonest. (Which, now that i think about it, is what I do with the piano pieces I play. Maybe that's why it's so difficult to transfer the skill from music to acting? Does that make my piano playing dishonest?) And I'm frustrated because I'm having a hard time seeing the line between doing the homework neccessary to emotionally connect to a monologue and aiming for the emotional reaction I think & feel should take place. I know I'm probably thinking waaaay to much, making this into a much bigger issue than it needs to be, and I'm not allowing myself to let go of controlling the piece and just feeling it.

But then there's also the issue of a script requiring a specific emotional reaction. As an actor I'd have to find a way to connect honestly to the piece in a way that elicited the required emotion. Which is what I am attempting to do with this monologue. So in that case, it's not a bad thing to aim for a specific result. But if I aim for a specific result when none is indicated, then I'm loosing the opportunity to explore and discover alternatives that I wouldn't have thought of. Right?

I am so confused now. I worry too much. (Can you tell? lol) Trying to connect things that aren't meant to connect, perhaps. Like the type-casting vs versatility issue I had: I thought that those two things were somehow meant to connect and that I was just too uneducated in the art of acting to figure out how. It turns out they're not meant to connect at all. They are, as common sense suggests, exact opposites. So perhaps the root of the problem is I need to trust my common sense, especially if something doesn't seem to be making sense.