I am so incredibly frustrated with myself right now in regard to a specific situation that it is not appropriate to discuss here. But I'm frustrated because I'm freaking out and I HATE IT that I'm freaking out. I'm so afraid I'm just gonna screw the whole thing up because I'm freaked out, because I don't know what the appropriate action to take is, I feel like no matter what I do I'm gonna screw it up so I'm afraid to move at all, and when I do take the smallest step, if it's not immediately positive I totally freak out and think I've ruined everything beyond repair, and I hate it because I freak out like this every fucking time. Especially since being in this circumstance doesn't happen to me very often to begin with.

AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!

Why can't I just Let It Be? See I love that phrase, Let It Be, because it means to stop worrying about it, but it's not the same as Let It Go. Let It Go means you remove yourself from the circumstance, you're not involved anymore. Let It Be means you stay involved with the situation without worrying about it, and just let things happen the way they're gonna happen, you let things be the way they're gonna be. How can I do this before my freaking out ruins everything? Fake it 'til you make it?? How can I hide how freaked out I am? People will see right through me!

Why do I want things and then freak out like this when it seems I might actually get them? And the pessimistic side of me is saying I probably wouldn't really get them anyways, I'm just attaching more value to things than are actually there.

GOD, how do I stop???