I'm so tired of being afraid to be myself, especially when it comes to relationships. I'm tired of being afraid to move or take action because if I do, I'll screw it up. I'm tired of being afraid to hold still out of fear that I'll be forced to watch the relationship I want slip out of my fingers because I didn't do anything to hold on to it because I was too afraid to move.
I'm tired of being afraid to show how I feel, because when I do, it overwhelms the other person and they leave. I'm tired of feeling insecure about how the other person feels about me because of all this shit. I'm tired of focusing on the fear of the other person leaving or not leaving, instead of focusing on why they'll stay and get to know me, since this time as far as I can tell I haven't been given any reason to think they'd leave. In spite of that, I'm so afraid that it's too late already, that I've already fucked it up, as always, just by being myself; my intense, overwhelming, over-eager self, my fearful, insecure, negative self.
What the hell is wrong with me? How do I stop being like this?
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