I've had way too much free time on my hands lately, and so I've been thinking some more about my audition. Of course my mind is attempting to throw negative "You could have done this better, and this and this and..." thoughts at me, but I'm doing a good job just waving at them as they whiz by: Thanks for sharing!
I think the thing that is most sticking in my mind is that I had fun at this audition. Considering that the role I auditioned for is a depressed, resentful, sarcastic woman with low self-esteem, perhaps "fun" is the wrong word?
It's not as simple as "fun".
I was able to create a clear concious & subconcious line that all of those negative thoughts and feelings belonged to the character, and not to me personally. And I enjoyed being able to let go of all that crap easily and immediately after submersing myself in it. I enjoyed the feeling of confidence and trust in myself as an actor that I could submerse myself in all that crap without fear of getting stuck, knowing that I'd be able to let it go.
I had decided while driving to the audition to stop focusing on the fact that it was indeed an audition (which was the thought that was making me nervous) and to think instead about the things my character might be thinking about. I had also decided to not think about it as an audition, but an opportunity to feel like a real actor getting to use my skills and creativity, just as if I were performing in a play or on a real set filming. So when I got to the audition, I felt relaxed and centered as an actor, and fully connected to the character. And that made me happy, that I was able to do that.
I as myself, the actor, enjoyed having another actor to work with, to improv with, that was an unexpected bonus of the audition. That made me happy.
And, of course the compliments I recieved, knowing that the director and the other actor liked what they saw--I left the audition in a really good mood.
So all of that added up to my having "fun" at the audition.
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