I had the opportunity to introduce myself to Bob Fraser at the Twyman Creative LA Film Conference last Saturday. He spoke briefly in the morning, covering the same information included in the beginning of his book, You Must Act!. I was surprised that he didn't look anything like the photos he has on his website or the IMDb. To me, in person, he looked more like Richard Dreyfuss. (But I also think perhaps I perceive how people look differently than most people, because whenever AOL has those "Celebrity Look-Alike" photo contests, where we can vote on a series of 10 pics comparing AOL members who have submitted their photos to the celebrity they claim they look like, my votes are always opposite of the majority of voters: I see a strong resemblence between the two photos where most people see very little, and vice versa.)
Anyhow, I still hadn't figured out what to say to Mr. Fraser when he finished speaking, and as he walked off the stage, several people went over to introduce themselves. I sat for a moment, my instincts screaming at me to stay put in my chair, but I had told myself I would introduce myself to him, I wrote it here on my blog, and I had sent him an e-mail thanking him for the info on the conference and that I was looking forward to meeting him. Plus, I tend to be shy, and so doing this in spite of my fears would help me grow. So, I got up, walked over to the small group of people around him and waited for my turn to introduce myself.
I believe I presented myself in a less than confident, self-concious manner, but I smiled and said, "Hi, I'm Isabelle." He smiled, and said "Hello." but there was no recognition in his eyes. I was hoping he'd at least recognize my name, and I felt really stupid for thinking that afterwards. I should have known better, it was unrealistic and egotistical to think that he'd recognize my name from a few e-mails. Mr. Fraser started to turn away, and I smiled at him again, and said, "I just wanted to say in person thank you for all the e-mails." He said, "You're welcome. Here's my card." And then he walked away quickly.
Immediately, an old habit of self-loathing and low self-esteem that I thought I had conquered kicked in with a vengence. But I managed to keep it out of my concious thoughts and focus on the rest of the speakers until I went downstairs for lunch, and then I began to wallow. And it wasn't just my interaction with Mr. Fraser that was bothering me, it was the whole networking deal: here were many directors, producers that I could network with, except that I had no idea what to say to them either. I didn't have an appropriate business card I could give them, no experience other than background work that I could tell them about. Even though I had told myself when I had arrived in the morning that it was okay if I didn't network at this conference, that I'm not at a point yet where I can effectively network, that it was okay to just listen and learn. Eventually, I kicked myself in the butt and let it go.
Mr. Fraser spoke again in the last panel of the evening, and to my surprise, he used the question I had asked a few months ago about typing vs versatility as an example. I felt that perhaps now it would be okay to talk to him again after the discussion was done, tell him that was the question I had asked, but then I thought what would that accomplish other than to soothe and feed my ego?
The next day, I was talking to my sister Erica and my cousin Christel about the whole thing, and they encouraged me to write another e-mail to Mr. Fraser, that it was important step in networking to do so, even though I doubted that I'd made the slightest dent of an impression in his memory. So I wrote:
"Dear Mr. Fraser,
I was glad to hear you speak at the Twyman Creative Conference yesterday, and surprised and flattered that you used my question regarding versatility vs UCP as an example in your panel discussion. I learned a lot both from your panel discussion regarding the Reality of the Business, as well as from all the other panels through-out the day.
I introduced myself to you after your morning discussion, I don't know if you'll remember me, I was wearing a pink shirt, shoulder-length blondish-brownish hair. I'm new at networking, so I really didn't know what to say to you as an effective introduction of myself. Any tips you have on what's appropriate and effective in a networking situation would be greatly appreciated. I know you believe that networking is not what creates success for an actor, but I believe that networking can't hurt in creating a career, unless one does not know how.
Again, it was good to meet you, and thank you for your time."
Then later in the afternoon, I received his reply:
"Dear Isabelle,
Thanks for your note. I really appreciate hearing from you. I’m glad you gained something at Kirk’s conference.
I do remember you and was about to chat with you about your blog when Bev started signaling me that we had to run if we were not to get a parking ticket. I’m sure you parked there and know what I’m talking about.
The question you ask now is an easy one to answer. Plan your “remarks” ahead of time. Salesmen call this their “elevator speech.” In other words it should take about as long as the average elevator ride. (In SoCal, this can be quite short.) But, bottom line, you should be able to ‘summarize’ what will make you memorable to the other person in about 15 seconds. In my case, it would have been perfect if, after you’d mentioned your name, you’d said something like .... “Hey, it’s great to finally meet you in person. Thanks for using my question in the panel discussion. You can be sure I’ll write that up in my blog.”
My attention would have been immediately focused on asking something like, “Oh, what question is that?” And our conversation would have been initiated with a “sticky” reference for me and a positive, calm introduction for yourself.
I hope that helps. Have a great day and, as always...Much Success, Bob Fraser
P.S. I do like your blog. It’s very nicely written. You might want to consider writing something for yourself. As Milton Berle said, “If opportunity isn’t knocking ... build a door.”
I'm so glad that he's willing to share what he knows, and that it's okay to ask him questions about what I should have done even after I fell flat on my face.
And I've realized that none of this is a self-esteem issue, and I was wrong to beat myself up for that. The real issue is that networking is a brand new skill that I haven't learned yet. It's not that I'm stupid for not knowing what to say, it's that I'm uneducated in this particular skill. And I know for a fact, had I known what to say to Mr. Fraser, or any of the other directors and producers at the conference, I could have presented myself with total confidence.
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