Who Am I, Right Now?

*Sigh* Everything I want in life requires me to change, to be a different person than who I am right now. Is that just the nature of being human? Wanting things beyond your reach? That's how we grow, isn't it? 

I'm still rolling around ideas for my bumper sticker/mise-en-scene statement for my character product. And in thinking about everything I wrote about that a few months back, I realize now that there's a difference between the types of roles that I want, and what my unique character type is. 

And the character type that I tentatively chose through all that self-exploration requires me to change. And that makes all my acting career goals unreachable at this moment. I would be able to reach them after I change. Which is kind of like shooting myself in the foot. The point is to build my unique type on who I am right now, not who I want to be, right? Otherwise, I'll always be trying to change and unable to reach my goals because of that.

So, I've been rolling that around in my head for the last few weeks. Who am I, right now? There are so many different facets to my personality. I am the shy, insecure fat girl that no one really likes. I am the sweet, goofy blonde who makes everyone laugh. I am the kid at heart. I am the empathetic friend and caregiver. I am the lonely one who keeps her heart locked away. I am the worry-wart who makes mountains out of mole-hills. I am the dreamer who builds shining palaces. I am the professional and friendly office employee. I am the socially awkward wallflower. I am the invisible nobody special. I am the hermit. I am the kooky one with no common sense. (Do I sound like I'm quoting Alanis Morrisette yet?) How do I roll all of that -- or even just some of it -- into a short, simple bumper sticker?

Anyhow, it occurred to me that maybe I should build my character type on the part of my personality that turns me on, that makes me shine and feel alive. So that part of my personality is the curious part. That is the part of me that wants to know, the part that asks "why?", the creative problem solving part, the part that likes to explore and discover. 

I joined Twitter last night, and came up with what could be my bumper sticker for my bio: "Goofy, curious, intelligent"  Sort of the Nutty Professor meets MacGyver. This line of thinking is sitting better with me than the "goofy with unexpected inner strength" stuff I was considering before. Maybe my bumper sticker should be goofy (instead of saying it): "Curious DiY explorer scientist person." 

Yeah, I'll let it role around some more.