About My Audition, And Other Stuff

So, about my audition this afternoon: My first impression upon leaving was "Worst. Audition. EVER." You'd think I'd never auditioned before. I was so completely self-centered and insecure, tripping over my own feet with false starts on the dancing, tripping over my own tongue apologizing every other moment, I can't believe how incredibly unprofessional I was in my insecurity. In my mind I was standing there watching myself, screaming "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?" and completely helpless to stop my behavior. As I was driving home I was thinking "Why did I put myself through that, purposefully going to an audition I knew I wouldn't do well in, just for the experience? What am I supposed to learn from that kind of torture? Not to do it again?" Granted, while I was extremely nervous and not at all excited to go to the audition because I believed I wouldn't be what they were looking for, I certainly did NOT visualize myself giving the Worst. Audition. EVER. I had visualized myself doing the best that I could, even if it wasn't good enough, but allowed myself to feel nervous, negative, and insecure about that.

But then I started thinking, "Well, I did show complete confidence while I was singing." That is, until I reached the line "We'll find a harmony of life to a lovely tune." and heard myself singing "We'll find a heavenly light for a lonely tune." I bust out laughing, it was so ridiculous that the words that came out of my mouth seemed completely opposite of what I should have been singing, it was like, "What??" But I picked up the song right from where I left off after I finished laughing (I was singing a capella).

I also answered all of the CD's questions with confidence. And at the end of the audition, she asked if I were available for the dates they planned on shooting. I don't know if that means anything, it could just be basic audition etiquette and procedure regardless of the quality of your audition. Or perhaps they are actually considering me. I guess I'll have to wait and see. And I realized that because I did show some confidence during at least part of the audition, it is not actually the Worst. Audition. EVER. Comes pretty darn close to it, but it's not the worst.

And it occured to me that I did learn something from today's experience. I learned what my habitual behavior is when I feel insecure in an audition. (It's been a really long time since I felt that nervous or insecure about an audition.) I learned exactly what I need to work on changing and improving.

Regarding my agent: A friend reminded me that it is Labor Day weekend. That is very likely a factor in my not having heard back. It also occured to me that since my cell phone has been misbehaving on a regular basis, perhaps he never actually got the voice mail I left him. I also spoke with the friend who referred me to the agent, and she said that the number of pictures I selected for him to look through was reasonable, and of course he should have a say in which headshots I use. She also recommended that I switch my attitude from "Does the agent want to work with me?" to "The agent is working for me, and do I really want someone who is going to drop the ball like this to represent me?" I agree that if I had more experience on my resume, that's the way to look at it, but since my resume is so slim at the moment, I feel I need to prove that I'm professional, that the agent can send me out to auditions and feel confident that I'll be professional, and not give the agency a bad name.

So, I'll wait until Weds. next week, and if I still haven't heard back, I'll call again and let him know I left a couple of other messages just in case he didn't get them, and at least that way he knows I haven't been flakey.

Happy Labor Day, Everyone!