My audition today went well, the student director was super nice, and complimented me on my choices and my performance. Hopefully, I'll hear back, I'd love to work on this project! I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
As I was rehearsing the material, the character I found came out very comical, almost over the top, almost a nerd charicature. I tried to balance that with the emotionally honest moments necessary for the scene. It just depends on if the director wants to use what I brought to the audition in his project, if it fits his vision.
So, now about my Actor's Ego. After my last audition for the Good Will Hunting scene, I was upset, I felt disrespected as an actor that the student director decided to follow the other actor with the camera for the audition. I felt that my audition was irrelevent. I don't know why the director made that choice. I have three theories, and two play into my own ego as an actor.
First theory: The student director simply made a mistake. He didn't realize that by following the other actor with the camera, that the filming of my audition would be affected. He didn't think the choice through, and that's just part of his learning curve as a student director.
Second theory: The student director decided I wasn't right for the role from the moment he saw me waiting in the hallway. And that's where my ego comes in to play. I have many suspicions, mostly based on my appearance, if this was the reason I wasn't given equal priority in the audition. But, rejection is part of the business, and there may be many auditions where the director or CD will decide that I am not right for the role based on my appearance, even before I read for the role, and that's just part of the business too. So I need to learn to not take that personally.
The other side of this theory is that perhaps there was something in my attitude I wasn't aware of that the director picked up on in the hallway, and that affected his decision. And if that is the case, then it is entirely my own fault.
Third theory: The student director had decided that Will is the main character of the scene, and Skyla is a supporting character, instead of both characters having equal weight. Which would make my half of the audition less important. And this is the tricky part when it comes to my ego (and many actor's egos, I'm guessing.) I tend to believe that my character's journey is just as important as any of the others, regardless of the size of my part, and the Ego Monster rages in my chest when I feel as an actor that I haven't gotten my fair share of time in front of the camera--("I'm a good enough actor, I've done my homework, why is she/he getting more attention than me?")--or when my character's journey is edited in favor of another's. But this, again, is part of the business and something I need to learn to deal with. I also need to accept and deal with the idea that it's not about me getting camera time or my character's journey. It's about what conveys the story the best. I've heard many actors on Inside The Actor's Studio say that as actors, we are the storytellers, our jobs are to tell the story. And if we're lucky enough to be cast as the main characters, then perhaps the story will be about our character's journey. But many times, the story isn't character-driven. Many, many times, the supporting characters are there in a functional capacity, to provide whatever is needed for the main character to move the story forward.
So that leads me to wonder about the choices I make as I prepare. If I know my character is a supporting character, should I make different choices than if my character is a main character? If my character's personal journey is not as important as the main character's, if my character's purpose is to cater to what the main character requires for a scene--such as spurring him to say "I don't love you" and walk away from the truest love of his life out of fear, or to be the friend or stranger that saves the main character from killing herself, or to be the catalyst for the husband and wife that saves their marriage or breaks it--shouldn't I as an actor be making different choices in preparing for that, depending on what my character's purpose in a scene/story is?
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