I was listening to the news radio this morning (that's a first!) and there was a blurb about the film industry in Los Angeles. It seems the trend is for a lot of major motion pictures to be made outside of California, in states that offer incentives to production companies. The statistics given were there are currently 26 productions being filmed in Los Angeles/CA, but there are 33 in other states, and 20 in other countries. I take this to mean there is less work in Los Angeles for background extras and minor roles. (I don't think this trend would affect leading actors or actors in larger supporting roles.) So I'm not sure how much of a wrinkle this puts into my Working-As-A-Background-Extra-To-Earn-Extra-Money Plan. I'm currently working in my uncle's business office M-W as a temporary employee to help make ends meet. I figure just about all the shows/movies are on hiatus right now. (And I'm still massaging Th - Sat.) I've been planning to start the background extra work sometime in January, probably the end of the month, but now I'm concerned how much I'll actually be able to work. The pessimistic voice inside my head is saying, "Now you'll be stuck in your Uncle's office, you can't quit, you won't earn enough money with the background work, there's no point in even trying." THANKS FOR SHARING!
On the positive side of things, it turns out my Oma and Opa had been saving money for my cousins, my sister and me. We were given the money at Thanksgiving as a sort of inheritance. (Opa died 3 years ago, Oma a month ago.) So now I have enough to spread around and make life more comfortable for myself for a little while. I'm going to invest almost half of it in my IRA, I'm putting a good chunk in my personal checking and savings, a good chunk in my business checking, and there is enough beyond that for me to spend on acting classes (finally! I figure I can take two classes!) and also perhaps to get my color headshots. I'm such a dork, now that I have the means to get my headshots, I'm afraid, don't know if I'm ready to get my head shots yet, don't know if I'm ready to start submitting myself and auditioning. Bah. But I'm never gonna learn or get better at auditioning unless I just go out there and do it. The never-ending struggle against fear.
I've been questioning my capabilities as an actor lately. Again. Do I really have the strength to withstand the business and politics of Hollywood? I've discovered that with my massage business I'm very weak in the marketing area. And the business of Hollywood is all about marketing yourself.
I've also been thinking a lot about fear of living life. When I'm not working, I'm a total homebody. How can I take risks on stage, understand what a character is going through, live as someone else if I'm afraid to live as myself? And now I'm going to start splitting esoterical hairs: Is there a difference between being afraid of life, and just preferring to be a quiet homebody most of the time? Sometimes it feels like the more time I spend at quietly at home, the more I become myself. It's easier to see (and be) myself without everyone else's judgements, opinions and expectations. But then I look at how I spend my time when I'm not working, and I'm not too happy with how unproductive I am. And this is turning into a whole different issue that I'm not going to discuss here.
On the positive side of things, it turns out my Oma and Opa had been saving money for my cousins, my sister and me. We were given the money at Thanksgiving as a sort of inheritance. (Opa died 3 years ago, Oma a month ago.) So now I have enough to spread around and make life more comfortable for myself for a little while. I'm going to invest almost half of it in my IRA, I'm putting a good chunk in my personal checking and savings, a good chunk in my business checking, and there is enough beyond that for me to spend on acting classes (finally! I figure I can take two classes!) and also perhaps to get my color headshots. I'm such a dork, now that I have the means to get my headshots, I'm afraid, don't know if I'm ready to get my head shots yet, don't know if I'm ready to start submitting myself and auditioning. Bah. But I'm never gonna learn or get better at auditioning unless I just go out there and do it. The never-ending struggle against fear.
I've been questioning my capabilities as an actor lately. Again. Do I really have the strength to withstand the business and politics of Hollywood? I've discovered that with my massage business I'm very weak in the marketing area. And the business of Hollywood is all about marketing yourself.
I've also been thinking a lot about fear of living life. When I'm not working, I'm a total homebody. How can I take risks on stage, understand what a character is going through, live as someone else if I'm afraid to live as myself? And now I'm going to start splitting esoterical hairs: Is there a difference between being afraid of life, and just preferring to be a quiet homebody most of the time? Sometimes it feels like the more time I spend at quietly at home, the more I become myself. It's easier to see (and be) myself without everyone else's judgements, opinions and expectations. But then I look at how I spend my time when I'm not working, and I'm not too happy with how unproductive I am. And this is turning into a whole different issue that I'm not going to discuss here.
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