Day 12: Meisner Technique

So yesterday, in the Daily Acting Workout, the instructor brought a habit I have during the repetition exercise to my attention. She said, "I want to challenge you." She pointed out that whenever someone makes an observation about me, I make an observation about their response to their observation of me, which keeps the repetition self centered. For example, they say, "You're happy." I say, "You like that." The instructor made sure that I understood that it' s not wrong to do that, but I also need to be aware of what their behaviors are, not just their responses to me. (I am really f-ing self-centered, aren't I??) So I tried, and immediately wound up in my head, and not being able to see a damn thing about the other person other than their responses. And that seems to happen to me a lot (not being able to see the underlying behaviors) which is why I have fallen on using that habit a lot I guess. I don't know if I just haven't learned to see deeper yet (which might very well be true and would explain a lot about my life experiences) or if they're just not giving me anything and I'm failing to call it. Or maybe it's vice versa, I'm not giving them anything and they're failing to call it.

Anyhow, yesterday in Meisner class we started with an activity added to the repetition. In other words, we have to carry on the repetition exercise with one person juggling or balancing an umbrella on their finger as if their life (or a loved one's) depended on it. It makes the repetition much more difficult because the person doing the activity cannot give the other person their full attention. So I got paired up with L, she had the umbrella. At first she was moving all over the stage with it, and I did my best to honestly express what I saw and felt. ("You're not paying attention to me.") Then Mark stopped us and said, "There is so much fake energy on the stage right now." That really shocked me, but then he singled out L. She was making a performance out of how difficult and urgent it was to balance the umbrella. He told her to hold still, not move her feet, and instead of her own life being in danger, to imagine it was her daughter's. The effect was immediate and L's reactions suddenly became frighteningly real. I felt so much compassion for her, watching her try to balance the umbrella, watching her struggle with her emotions, that I did not want to interrupt. I made observations quietly. But I did feel disconnected in the moment, I remember vividly feeling that she was alone on stage even though I was up there with her. Mark kept prompting me to stay out of my head, which I thought I was doing. I was doing my best to see her behaviors. Then when Mark stopped the exercise, he asked me what was going on with me during the exercise. I said I felt very drawn in by her, and I didn't want to interrupt. Mark said, "That was you thinking." CRAP! Then he said, "You have a responsibility to the other actor to interact fully, in spite of the activity, in spite of their emotional repsonses. You were very timid on stage today. Very timid." Disapproving, disappointed. And then he moved on to L. And then time necessitated moving on to another pair. I was extremely disappointed that I did not get the opportunity to try again, to make a better effort, and angry that he did not call me on it earlier in the exercise.

So between this exercise and last week's exercise with J, I've discovered that I'm very timid around extreme emotions, and that could present a problem during performance. BUT, I also believe that me being myself in a repetition is different than being a character in a performance. I believe that if I know where I have to go in a scene, and what my character's action is, I won't have any problem dealing with strong emotions, I will be able to hold my ground and interact fully. Evidence the scene I just did with D. last week. He was fully yelling at me, and I was fully yelling back, no problem.