Class tonight was really difficult for me. I had a very difficult time opening up emotionally during repetition and during the activities. I feel sore from the discovery yesterday of all those emotional knots in spite of good things, so i was self-protecting during class. And John called me on it and said if I can't be present in the exercises basically I'm wasting my time in class. But he also reminded me that there is a learning curve, and what I'm going through is just growing pains, both in life and in class, that I'm extremely talented and to make sure I stay focused on my own life and to invest in myself regardless of what other issues I may be dealing with.
A big part of the problem, I've realized, is that I don't have anything really to occupy my mind most of the time. At work, data entry is mindless so my thoughts wander. On Mondays and Fridays, I have a 130 mile round-trip commute from home to work to class to home again--And I spend 90 minutes driving from work to LA, and then I sit around by myself for 90 minutes at a local restaurant until it's time for class to start. Certainly nothing there to occupy my mind either.
But I left class feeling somewhat better, more focused on what I need to do to untie those knots. I'm breathing, relaxing and re-centering myself, I'm remembering that I'm growing, and bringing attention back to my own life, so that I have more to offer in my other friendships, so I can relax and accept new friendships that are in development.
1 comment:
I think John is on the right track. Sounds like things are becoming more focused for you despite the mindless data entry. (I know from personal experience how zoned out one can get while staring at that computer.) :) Take care!
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