So, I did it again, vanished on you all. How many times can I apologize? I've been feeling a bit down again. Partly because I know these videos I talked about making previously are just a poor, amature attempt to replace what I really want to be doing. Partly because I'm not sure which ideas will actually work, and what ideas can I come up with that don't break any copyright laws? And last but not least, partly because my day job was extremely stressful for a few weeks. I know I said I would put myself in front of the camera no matter what, but when I've been so worn out when I get home from work.
Which brings me to the next topic. I've started reading a book called The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron; A highly sensitive person is someone who is highly intuitive and picks up on subtleties, who is deeply moved by art or music, who is creative and imaginative, someone who feels the need to hide in a quiet place away from the world on a regular basis, someone who is made uncomfortable by loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, or a lot of activity going on around you. According to this book, highly sensitive people have nervous systems that are physiologically different (more sensitive) than the majority of the population. (It's not just in our heads!) 15% to 20% of the population is highly sensitive. As I read this book, I recognize myself in its pages, and so many experiences in my life, from childhood until now, reactions to events that made me wonder what was wrong with me, wonder if I was crazy, these suddenly make sense to me. All those experiences were just my nervous system being overwhelmed. I will write more about this in my personal blog, Just Breathe, which you can reach through my Blogger profile.
I'm not sure how this will affect my acting career. On the one hand, being sensitive to subtleties and being creative and intuitive are huge pluses as an actor. On the other, being easily overwhelmed, needing extra rest, extra time alone to be quiet, needing to feel secure, that doesn't work so well with the 12-plus hour workdays sometimes 6 days a week, or the craziness that accompanies auditioning.
I've worried about that a lot, actually, long before I started reading this book. I was already aware on a semi-subconscious level that there was huge potential for my being overwhelmed at an actor's life. I was completely aware that my energy levels never seemed to be high enough to "make it" in the business, to withstand the long work days, the uncertainty of auditioning, and that the student films I've done I arrived on set already exhausted and we hadn't even started.
I don't know where the knowledge that my sensitivity is actually physical--and not just something I can talk myself out of, or build inner-strength & persistence to overcome--leaves me. Obviously, as a new actor (and probably not so much as an established actor in the long run) I can't go around requesting a lighter work schedule or more time in my trailer,t hat delays the production process. I'm not giving up, the flame is still burning. Just not sure yet.
Which brings me to the next topic. I've started reading a book called The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron; A highly sensitive person is someone who is highly intuitive and picks up on subtleties, who is deeply moved by art or music, who is creative and imaginative, someone who feels the need to hide in a quiet place away from the world on a regular basis, someone who is made uncomfortable by loud noises, bright lights, strong smells, or a lot of activity going on around you. According to this book, highly sensitive people have nervous systems that are physiologically different (more sensitive) than the majority of the population. (It's not just in our heads!) 15% to 20% of the population is highly sensitive. As I read this book, I recognize myself in its pages, and so many experiences in my life, from childhood until now, reactions to events that made me wonder what was wrong with me, wonder if I was crazy, these suddenly make sense to me. All those experiences were just my nervous system being overwhelmed. I will write more about this in my personal blog, Just Breathe, which you can reach through my Blogger profile.
I'm not sure how this will affect my acting career. On the one hand, being sensitive to subtleties and being creative and intuitive are huge pluses as an actor. On the other, being easily overwhelmed, needing extra rest, extra time alone to be quiet, needing to feel secure, that doesn't work so well with the 12-plus hour workdays sometimes 6 days a week, or the craziness that accompanies auditioning.
I've worried about that a lot, actually, long before I started reading this book. I was already aware on a semi-subconscious level that there was huge potential for my being overwhelmed at an actor's life. I was completely aware that my energy levels never seemed to be high enough to "make it" in the business, to withstand the long work days, the uncertainty of auditioning, and that the student films I've done I arrived on set already exhausted and we hadn't even started.
I don't know where the knowledge that my sensitivity is actually physical--and not just something I can talk myself out of, or build inner-strength & persistence to overcome--leaves me. Obviously, as a new actor (and probably not so much as an established actor in the long run) I can't go around requesting a lighter work schedule or more time in my trailer,t hat delays the production process. I'm not giving up, the flame is still burning. Just not sure yet.
4 comments:
I don't think you have shot yourself in the foot. Things will work out for you in whatever direction you move yourself.
I am going to Amazon right now to buy that book. I think I need to read it.
I am one of those people too. I found out that it was real and not just in my head in college.
Wish me luck, I have an audition tomorrow!
Thanks for all your supportive comments! =)
Delishua, I do wish you belated good luck! If you get a follow-up e-mail that I've left this comment, I'd love to hear how your audition went.
Post a Comment